Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
