This is not my ceiling
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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