i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize