my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
