i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
