dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
