I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize