I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
