i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he shaved USA in his pubs
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
