Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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