I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
