I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
