I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
