Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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