Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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