Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
