No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
