I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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