Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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