I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
