Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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