So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i need to put some appletini on your dick
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
