I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
