That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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