I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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