turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
