So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
