i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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