he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
