she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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