i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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