i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
