Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
