New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
