You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
