im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
