Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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