I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
