wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
