And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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