If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
