We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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