Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
