Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize