They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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