I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
