Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
