Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
