i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
