Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
