I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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