When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
