There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
