while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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