I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
