Jerry, you need to find god
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
