Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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