i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
