God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
