I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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