margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
