all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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