Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
