My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
