some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
