Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
