Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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