She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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